Dropping the Banhammer, Part One: Under Hot Lights

There has been a trickle-down effect since the announcement that #twoexplores is no longer a valid excuse for rampant cheating.  The most noticeable is the intensity of the community's vigilance when it comes to policing high level play on camera. 

I try to add something to the discussions that take place away from the tech and video media centers of the Magic universe online.  With that in mind, here are five things that you will do on camera at some point if you attend enough events, along with what might happen when you do.

The Worst Job in the World

"Treat your writing like a job" is basically the worst and best advice any one who is not getting paid for it can receive.  If you're married with a steady job and kids, you might set aside an hour fifteen minutes for some frantic, beneath the sheets coupling that reminds you entirely too much of being in high school, but odds are that most of those appointments are getting skipped like a visit to the dentist when your teeth aren't hurting.

Magic's Hole Cards: 5 Ways to Improve Video Coverage

If you're anything like me, you spent the weekend of Pro Tour: Dark Ascension ravenously devouring the delicious non-stop coverage that made you feel almost as if you were two thousand miles away and not on a beach.  And if you were, you might be wondering, why does this guy think the coverage needs improvement, because it was actually that awesome.

Almost this awesome.

Well, there might be one thing better than watching fantastic video of your favorite players making the wrong blocks that you would never in a million years have made on a twitchy Internet feed.  That would be watching on glorious High Definition delivered straight out of your over-priced 3-D television.

Imagine this, but in your living room.  In three dimensions.

Any more dimensions would be too awesome to comprehend/

And that could happen.  But it won't.  Not yet.  As Patrick Chapin discussed during a recent SCG Open event, Magic won't make it back to ESPN until there is a way for Joe Plumber, Joe Six-Pack, and the seven other people who would have voted for Sarah Palin to quickly get into the game and devise drinking competitions and side-bets.

With that in mind, here are a few suggestions for how to make a good thing even better.  None of them involve laser beams, unfortunately.

Because you know you wanted it.

Ron "Squee" Jeremy the Barbarian

Grand Prix: Indianapolis Tournament Organizer Pastimes have found themselves in a bit of a bind over their recent promotion of BDSM Magic-gear.  Namely, at least five people were incredibly offended by the art on the playmats that were intended to be handed out at the GP.  Thanks to the diligent work of various eyes on Twitter, the mats are apparently headed for wherever they send the "We Won the Super Bowl" t-shirts made for the team that actually, cough, lost the game.

"You said, licking, right?  Right?!"

While I usually prefer hiding in the corner of the Twitterverse whenever someone starts talking about a subject that involves an issue where I am part of the unwanted majority, in this case, I'm fine with adding my own opinion to the largely ignorable conversation.

All-New, Exciting Hyperbole!

In the never-ending war between attempting to earn a paycheck and updating content on the website, I'll be the first to admit that I'm usually the one doing most of the losing.  One of the reasons this site started out as a broad pop culture forum is because we wanted to publish multiple articles and blog posts every day.  When everything was turned over to me with a shoulder shrug and a, "Well, guess that didn't work," I was disappointed.  Instead of the keys to something nice and shiny, I got Grandma's old Buick.

Like this, but with more HTML and fewer cigarette burns.

Since I'm not sixteen anymore, my reaction wasn't, "Holy shit, now I can drive without worrying about my parents smelling weed in their Toyota," but something closer to "meh."

Still, I love writing, whether it's about sports or Magic, or feminism, or the odd glare that reflects off my bald spot when I'm sitting in a hotel room with mirrors that face each other in what I assume is an attempt to keep middle-aged couples from getting it on.  It's just about prioritizing.

With that in mind, I'm not going to promise new content all of the time.  There isn't a posting schedule anymore.  But I will do everything in my power to have an original post once a week--normally on Mondays, so that you have something to fill another fifteen minutes while you desperately avoid that post-weekend hangover at work.

The rest of the time, you'll get infrequent musings, essays, and reprints of memes.

If you are reading this, you probably remember what the old site looked like.  The redesign is to simplify things.  No more tabs to empty sections and potentially offensive pictures.  Just actual content, and peeks at Twitter or other areas of the Interwebs that I find amusing.

Thanks again to all of the anonymous visitors who make updating a site like this worthwhile.  It's been a bumpy ride, but I think you'll be entertained by where we've ended up.

Ben Snyder is a freelance writer living somewhere in the American southeast.  He divides his time between entirely too many things to try and make into a pithy list.  His first e-book is available and you can find him on Twitter (@snglmaltproof) where he promises not to spam your account with inane rambling.  Mostly.