* Google unveiled Google Fiber today, a revolutionary new breakfast cereal that promises to dethrone long-standing favorites like Fiber-One and Wheaties among the 55+ crowd and those women who appear in Activia commercials.
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| She's so happy she can't even...nevermind. |
* Actually,
Google Fiber is the United States' introduction to the kind of Internet the rest of the world has been enjoying for years. There isn't even a way to make a joke about how fantastic it is going to be for gamers in Kansas City to be sniped by "god-damned camping assclowns" and no longer be able to blame it on lag.
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In my day, all we had was a nuclear powered Pistol that could
kill anyone at anytime from anywhere on the map. It was the starting weapon. |
* In fact, within hours of the announcement, home values in Missouri jumped almost a thousand percent (citation needed) and neighbors started complaining about the tech crowd that jumped down from their flying cars and immediately started buying everything in sight. They relaxed, however, when it was revealed that Warren Buffet was the one financing the purchases, and he never screws people over, ever.
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Artist's rendition of Kansas City real estate value.
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