Saturday, February 25, 2012

From the Worst All-Star Weekend in Sports (Not Counting the Pro Bowl, Because, Really, Who Does?)

1)  Kevin Love is Awesome -- "You know, I'm a guy that loves to rebound the ball, a guy that loves to play inside, really a physical player," Love said. "But for me, coming into the league, I was told not to shoot 3-point shots, so to be where I am now and continue to work on my game; I think this definitely speaks to my versatility. I think I'll just continue to improve year in and year out."

"I'm basically the best power forward in the game right now, is what I'm getting at.  
I mean, who else has a 30-30 game?  Oh, yeah.  
So, I'll keep getting better, but I don't need to.  
Are you catching the subtext?  Also, my beard."

2)  Josh Hamilton believes that he "doesn't owe the Rangers."  -- He quickly added, "for anything other than millions of dollars in coke and booze money."  Going on to explain that he was quoted out of context, since he was wearing his warm-ups and participating in team events, or something.

He also doesn't believe in quitting.

3)  Ryan Braun continues to be the most infuriatingly unattractive man in sports.  Content no longer to merely bash 'roid-enhanced home runs and capture the hearts of confused young women everywhere, he now sets his sights on destroying the game of baseball itself. 

"The truth is on our side."

4) Tiger Woods lost in the second round of the Accenture Match Play to the surprise of absolutely no one except the guy who gets paid to yell, "Get in the hole."  His comments, after the disaster, were telling: "After a while, you know, you start to believe it, but it still, it doesn't always happen.  I don't know."

Still avoiding the responsibility of picking up the fractured shards of his personal life, Tiger struggles to gather up the pieces of his once-miraculous golf game.  He plans to be ready for a heart-breaking third or fourth place finish at the Masters, and has alluded to a real tear-jerker of a moment during the U.S. Open.  

That's right, Hank Haney. Never forget.

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