A Double, Neat -- Quick Hits from Around the Internet

* Undoubtedly the next subject of the various "20 Tweets"-esque articles that have cropped up like particularly annoying fungi around the major Magic websites, the issue of "fake geeks" exploded on Twitter to the tune of about nine hours of conversation.  The "bad guys," as far as this subject is concerned, appear to be the anti-feminist "pretty girls" who have drawn the ire of "real geeks" by not actively memorizing the characters from the Star Wars EU or mastering the art of shouting louder during arguments about whether or not Iron Man could beat Batman in a fight.  Either that or the enemy is the exclusive geek crowd who refuse to believe someone can do geeky things in their spare time and still self-identify as a card-carrying TCG fan.  Or it's the inclusive geeks who don't mind seeing gorgeous women pretend to be interested in the same things that they are in order to feel attractive and desired.

Because every guy who watched this knows what Jimmy Choos are.

It may not be a popular opinion, but I happen to think that women that can hold a conversation with me about the use of conjugations in Tolkien's two Elvish languages are not actually figments of my imagination.  I also could not give less of a crap about whether or not anyone "sells out" in order to make a few dollars.  I can't believe this conversation is literally still going on as I write this.

* Cole Hamels received a $144 million dollar contract extension to remain with the Philadelphia Phillies, who announced, via a spokesperson, that the $80 million dollars they plan on paying just four players next year is actually Monopoly money, due to a cleverly worded proviso in the contract documents for Cliff Lee, Roy Holladay, Hamels, and Ryan Howard.  When asked to comment, Hamels remained silent, but his nephew brightened up, convinced that he would never again lose the game by having to pay his evil step-sister $20,000 for landing on Boardwalk.

* Kristen Stewart allegedly cheated on Robert Pattinson, which is heartbreaking to none of the people who care about this sort of thing since nearly all of them wanted Tinkerbell to be single so they could get back to fantasizing about glittery love-making with a few shades of bondage sprinkled in.  Sadly, when asked if he noticed a change in her demeanor that could have clued him in to her infidelity, Pattinson was forced to admit that, like the rest of us, he still isn't sure she even has a personality. "And, maybe, you know, it was another K-Stew, I'm pretty sure they make them in a factory somewhere," Robert did not add.

Magic and Immersion

Depending on what numbers you use, the average Magic player is between 16-24 years old.  I will have given 19 years of my life to this game in one way or another in August of this year.  That means that I've been playing the game longer than a huge portion of its audience has even been alive.  When I look back, there is nothing I would change about the role the game has played in my life.

Darwin Kastle recently shared his own Magic story and I want to continue to explore mine.  But my story doesn't involve any Pro Tour Top 8s or GP near misses, and there are barely any adventures involving beautiful women throwing themselves at me.  So instead of boring you by using an Amis-style objective correlative to build a narrative, I thought it better to tackle the subject more seriously.

Why in the name of all that is good and decent in the world have I spent so much time on a hobby that in case of a zombie apocalypse will only leave me with a rather large pile of kindling?

I would guess, three days of continuous burning.

Dropping the Banhammer, Part One: Under Hot Lights

There has been a trickle-down effect since the announcement that #twoexplores is no longer a valid excuse for rampant cheating.  The most noticeable is the intensity of the community's vigilance when it comes to policing high level play on camera. 

I try to add something to the discussions that take place away from the tech and video media centers of the Magic universe online.  With that in mind, here are five things that you will do on camera at some point if you attend enough events, along with what might happen when you do.