|Because every guy who watched this knows what Jimmy Choos are.|
It may not be a popular opinion, but I happen to think that women that can hold a conversation with me about the use of conjugations in Tolkien's two Elvish languages are not actually figments of my imagination. I also could not give less of a crap about whether or not anyone "sells out" in order to make a few dollars. I can't believe this conversation is literally still going on as I write this.
* Cole Hamels received a $144 million dollar contract extension to remain with the Philadelphia Phillies, who announced, via a spokesperson, that the $80 million dollars they plan on paying just four players next year is actually Monopoly money, due to a cleverly worded proviso in the contract documents for Cliff Lee, Roy Holladay, Hamels, and Ryan Howard. When asked to comment, Hamels remained silent, but his nephew brightened up, convinced that he would never again lose the game by having to pay his evil step-sister $20,000 for landing on Boardwalk.
* Kristen Stewart allegedly cheated on Robert Pattinson, which is heartbreaking to none of the people who care about this sort of thing since nearly all of them wanted Tinkerbell to be single so they could get back to fantasizing about glittery love-making with a few shades of bondage sprinkled in. Sadly, when asked if he noticed a change in her demeanor that could have clued him in to her infidelity, Pattinson was forced to admit that, like the rest of us, he still isn't sure she even has a personality. "And, maybe, you know, it was another K-Stew, I'm pretty sure they make them in a factory somewhere," Robert did not add.